Stuck In Neutral
by DemonClowSorceress
Summary: Tag for 5x02 "Devil's Cherry." Jane takes the first small step towards the rest of his life. Towards Lisbon. Some language, but otherwise K plus content.


**Stuck in Neutral**

**By: DemonClowSorceress**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Mentalist_.**

* * *

Jane was talking to himself. Again.

Hiding behind the closed door outside his attic room, Lisbon bit her lip as she listened to her consultant's playful banter. Well, his half of the banter, anyway.

Which could only mean one thing. Charlotte was back.

She'd had the suspicion that he'd gotten hold of more belladonna-spiked tea, and here was the proof. He wouldn't let anyone fix him a cup of tea. He lost focus at times, always when he thought nobody was watching. Sometimes she caught the blond man staring at inanimate objects like he was reading a mark. The moments never followed a predicable pattern. Thank God for that, because Bertram was still looking for an excuse to boot the mentalist from the team.

If nothing else, it seemed as if Jane was able to control himself from indulging in his habit while working cases. If she'd seen that, nothing would've stopped Lisbon from hauling Jane to the hospital and pumping his stomach again. For now, he seemed to be restricting his laced tea trips to his room in the dead of night, when he felt the CBI was most deserted, and only after a particularly difficult case.

Like this last case. It had put everyone through the ringer something awful. Child kidnappings, dead little girls, bloody crime scenes - even the veteran Agent Lisbon had come close to tears. Jane had that look on his face that she'd come to call his "Red John expression" a mixture of horror, anger, and determination that bordered on obsession. Solving the case had been a real bitch, but in true Jane style, he used every mentalist trick he had to bring the murderer to justice.

Her thoughts scattered when Jane suddenly laughed. It was different from the laughs he usually allowed people to hear, not forced or sarcastic. Lisbon swallowed the pained lump in her throat. The real Patrick Jane was right behind the door, and he could only show that side to someone who not only didn't exist, but had been dead for ten years.

Pulling back from the door, Lisbon blinked back her tears. This was almost as bad as when he was living in his fugue state, but unlike that past self, she didn't want to bring him back to the present this time. As messed up as this was, it was his choice. She had no right to interfere. It was his life to live.

Her hand clenched into a fist to restrain herself from knocking, and before she could falter, she quickly walked away.

* * *

Lisbon had been listening at the door. Again.

It was impossible not to notice. Lisbon kept a closer eye on him than ever before. It was getting harder to slip away for his belladonna tea. Not that he wasn't in control of his habit. No, Jane was incredibly rigid about this one loss of control. Only in his attic, only after a really _really _bad case that sticks in his craw for far too long, only when he can devote at least six hours to it.

Jane fought to ignore the sound of her retreating heels. After careful experimentation, he'd finally found the perfect mixture of belladonna and tea that would allow the maximum amount of time hallucinating without requiring hospitalization. He wasn't going to waste a single second of it.

His irritation seemed to amuse Charlotte, judging by the growing smirk on her face. "You should invite her in sometime."

"What, so you can make more suggestive comments?" he fired back. He still felt awkward for his subconscious thoughts during the initial incident. Even though Lisbon hadn't heard, he'd still felt the need to cut Charlotte off before she finished.

Charlotte's grin got wider. "Makes you pay attention to her, don't it?" Jane slanted his imaginary daughter an exasperated look, but that didn't stop her. "You know she's worried about you."

How could he not? The woman telegraphed her every emotion better than a building-size HDTV in Times Square. It was almost refreshing to know that she wasn't able to hide her emotions from him.

The sigh Charlotte gave was heavy and followed by a roll of her beautiful blue eyes. "You care about her. A lot. Don't deny it."

How could he? She was the single best thing that ever happened to him since Red John destroyed his happiness ten years ago. Sometimes Jane was still amazed that he hadn't ruined this friendship after nearly a decade of working with Lisbon.

"You're really testing it now," Charlotte stated. "Shutting her out with these trips. You can't keep doing this." Crossing her arms again, the blonde teenager leaned against the table. "You're pushing it, Dad. You need a little more every time you use that tea. You're close to overdosing."

Now Jane looked at his daughter with a lost, almost pleading look. "I don't want to lose you again."

"I'm not here anyway," she replied. "But she is, Dad. Get out of neutral before you can't anymore." And she turned around to leave, signalling the end of the conversation. Two seconds later, she was gone. Because she'd never been there, Jane knew.

But Lisbon had been. Here, and gone.

Putting away his bag of tea, Jane checked his watch, grabbed his coat, and headed downstairs.

* * *

They were very surprised to see each other at the elevator.

Jane was heading down the steps as Lisbon was pressing the elevator call button. When their eyes met, it stilled his footsteps immediately. The silence stretched between them, long and awkward. Finally, Jane ended it.

"I thought you were gone already."

"I thought you'd be here longer," Lisbon replied.

Another silence grew. The unspoken message was clear to them both. _I didn't want to be caught sneaking out by you_.

Lisbon cleared her throat. "You're heading out, then?"

"Yeah," Jane replied.

"Want a lift home?"

About to say no, he was struck by what Charlotte - all right, what his subconscious - had said to him. _Get out of neutral before you can't anymore_. This reality was crystal clear to him; Lisbon was still here because she cared enough about him to make sure he got home safely.

"Actually, I need to clear my head. Today was rough," he said. "Join me for a drink, Teresa?"

About to say no, Lisbon noticed the use of her first name and the look in his eyes. It had taken considerable effort for Jane, an almost chronic loner, to ask her that. It was as if he was trying to step out of his own world. Trying to move on. Who was she to deny him this opportunity?

"Sure, Patrick," she said with a small smile. "I could use one after today's case."

The elevator arrived, and they entered together. As the doors slid shut Lisbon said, "Throw that tea away. Don't ever do it again."

"All right, Lisbon. I promise."

"I mean it." Looking up at her consultant, she spoke with the authority of a best friend. "It's not worth it."

He nodded in agreement. "You're right. I know that now." He reached out to touch her hand with his, but stopped just short of holding her hand.

Getting out of neutral would be a challenge, but he'd tackle it one mile at a time.

* * *

******Hm, I like it, but it may be a bit OOC, so sorry.**

******Inspired by that final scene in 5x02 "Devil's Cherry."** Geez, I cried five different times during the JanexCharlotte scenes.

**Review please!**


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